Can I sleep for sometime on Ur lap, Mom? I want to hug U the same way I used to, after I finished one chapter of revision for my 10th Boards. And today, my eyes are paining….looking at this computer screen for so long. I want to sleep on Ur lap, Mom. The warmth of Ur lap will recharge me for a couple of weeks again.........I m coming to U Mom…………Looking fwd for Saturde to b here……..:)

Will U let me Cry in Peace or not? U can’t take away my only Happiness. I become my Heart when I cry, coz tears originate from there. Eyes r only the instrument to bring them out in the open. I truly love my Tears. Maybe Tears & Heart are Lovers. When Tears r leaving the Heart, then the Heart cries. And what does it release from itself? More Tears. That’s Love, I think. U let go. U might cry, but still U actually let go. Whole heartedly………
And then U find Peace……………….
That same Peace that I feel, after I cry my Heart out………….

She

Maybe she wanted to be the only person who loved her own Self. She did not allow others to love her. Maybe she did not even want others to love her. Sometimes she felt the "void", seeing others around her, who were not like her. They seemed to have people ( apart from their immediate family) who loved them, more than they loved themselves or others, at any point of time. She thought- " Is this some abnormality with me?"


Sometimes she even thought that maybe others thought her to be a wierdo, living like that, and refusing spending time with people who asked her out, or for just some time with her. But, she always bluntly refused those people a part of her Life, which she would never get back again. As an afterthought, she did wonder whether it was okay to do that or not; whether she was hurting them or not, by bluntly refusing their love; by showing that she did not care much.

But then, after such reflections, she always found a strange peace, a strange satisfaction, within Her Self.

She would look at the mirror, at herself, and think- ' I am happy like this only. I don't want others to depend on me for their happiness. And neither do I want to depend on them for mine. I am doing the right thing, coz allowing them one moment's dependence will lead to the next, and then to the next, and then to the next, which I will never provide or even care for.

My Time is Mine and My Love is Mine. I love each moment, and each moment loves Me for being Me.



I Love My Self.'



She would Smile, and then go on with Life.........................................

A Marriage To Be Lived Through

I had married my company looooooooooong back- June 22 2007 to be precise. No dhol baaja, no baraati, almost a registered marriage. Sitting in a Hall, we had signed papers, and had lawfully become Bride and Groom. Then, we had our Honeymoon time. It's called Training Period. Hyderabad was our Honeymoon city and what an absolute delight it was!! Three months of non-stop fun and frolic. My Company loved me, and I loved my Company back. I gave 100 percent of myself to whatever my Company wanted me to be trained in. My Company also gave itself upto me, and rewarded me beautifully for my enthusiasm and dedication, by making me much more rich than others. :)

The Honeymoon soon got over. And the small tiffs of married life started, when my Company unexpectedly sent me to Chennai on Posting. My Company said- "Sweetheart, U need to endure for me. U kno I love you." I said-" Hey dear, that's not done. U can't do this to me if U love me". And my Company replied- " Don't worry Sweetheart. U'll endure. U'll b one happy woman. And we'll love each other much more. Trust me."

And here I am, serving my Company, and Clients. My Company did not break my Trust. Believe me. I am one Woman who endured the initial times. And came out Trumps. One Happy Woman.:)

But hey, I forgot to tell you the Golden Rule of this Marriage- no Sindoor, no Bangles, no Mangal Sutra. Yes, but what's remotely close to the Mangal Sutra is- our Holy ID Card. Every morning the proof of my Marriage hangs around my neck till it is late evening, and then I must remove it, for the outside world should not know my Company, lest they should know my 'richness', and then extract our money. That is about the money seekers. But otherwise, the outside world sees me with the respect that only a Woman married to my Company, and its identical Brotherhood Companies, deserves.

This is another day of Married Life...............Another day of sweet Marital strife...............:)

And My Company and Me...............live happily............for one more day..............:)

I
----
I can confess here.
I have nothing to fear.
Whenever I have felt love,
I have cried pearly tears.

Choked with emotion,
Warm fogginess before me,
And nothing else but,
The feeling I am loved….

And then I feel,
I can never thank them,
Who made me feel such joy…

Just coz I am loving ME…..
For what I am…..

All I can do is,
Be good to them,
And be loving to them,
Every moment of the year.

But alas,
My goodness,
Doesn’t last.

Alas I don’t
Love them enuff back.

Alas I lose my loving self,
Only to discover it,
After Someone makes me Love Myself,
All over again……..

II
----
I want that Someone to be Me,
I don’t wish to depend,
On Anybody other…….

But alas,
I have not yet reached,
That state of finality……….

I will reach there,
There is no doubt,
In my mind.

It’s the beauty of this journey…..
Which seems to be,
Infinitely interesting.

But hey,
Could it be more fulfilling,
Than the destination itself would be………..?

I have no answer as of now,
To this puzzling question………..:)