January 2, 2015

Good Girls

Define good girls... Everybody has an opinion about a good girl...so whats yours? #GoodGirls

 

 

Good girls are supposed to be a lot of things all at the same time. This is captured by the following DOs and DO NOTs such as.... 

 

DO NOTs :

 


a) Do not go to late night parties.
b) Do not smoke or drink or do drugs.
c) Do not use swear words.
d) Do not laugh or talk loudly.[as in- create noise pollution :P]
e) Do not spend long hours gossiping on phone or chatting on net.
f) Do not practice infidelity rather be a one-man woman. [Remembering Kareena Kapoor in 'Jab We Met'!]
g) Do not be lazy rather work efficiently and multi-task.
h) Do not spend money like water, rather save it and use it judiciously to get 'value for money'. Then only can the girl be 'Lakshmi' or 'Goddess of Wealth' for her own and in-laws' family!
i) Do not use excess salt, oil or gas in cooking. Good girls are concerned about family's health, taste and expenses!
j) Do not watch porn or wear *vulgar* clothes.
k) Do not talk to *strangers*. Or at least, do not *fall in love* on the first day of meeting. [Remembering movie 'Frozen' where Elsa's sister claims how she is in love within minutes of meeting the Prince! Thankfully Elsa is a 'good girl'! :P]

DOs : 

 

a) Sleep on time and wake up early.
b) Know how to cook basic meals. Knowing to cook more variety is a big plus!
c) Remain composed to handle any situation and keep tempers in check.
d) Be hungry to learn more- knowledge, skills, processes, culture.
e) Help people and be kind, polite, empathetic.
f) Can adjust to different situations.
g) Can solve problems peacefully than yelling, screaming at others.
h) Prays. Can chant mantras.

Yet there are many girls who do none of the above and still are tagged 'good'. And there are others who do most of the above still are tagged 'bad'. So many prejudices/biases also come in. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

SOCIETY'S #GoodGirls :


Society wants you to not protest, scream or hit others and to take any beating hands down, to call you a 'good girl'. Example is the Haryana sisters duo, who have variously been labelled 'bad' after other videos surfaced. Our patriarchal society has a mould for fitting into which, they try to raise every girl so that she can then be called 'good'. Else she is labelled 'bad'. This is sad but true.

Even in twenty first century, girls remain so subdued in Indian society. Only so that they can be called 'good' and accepted as such by society, they do not explore their personalities fully. Many sporty girls in villages with capacity to win medals remain backward. Many girls are killed in the name of 'honour', as loving outside their caste/religion makes them terribly 'bad' deserving death. Many girls who are assaulted just remain mum as expressing it will make them 'bad', bringing all fault on them.

All this must change. Enough of judging girls. Just let them be. Let every family allow equal rights to boys and girls first. Then watch how things change. Like our Prime Minister says, do you as parents ever ask questions to your boys that where are they going and when they will return?

CONCLUSION :

 

I feel good girls are those with good hearts- those who smile, spread cheer and help others. Good girls are good citizens, good daughters/mothers/wives/friends/girlfriends. They are loyal, trustworthy and mostly polite. They respect Indian culture while also embracing modern thoughts where needed. They thus strike a balance between tradition and modernity.

Good girls assert themselves when the situation desires. They do not harbour mentality of cheating other men or women. They like to be in their senses and to take responsibility and full charge.

Oops...are they not the rarest of the rare breed in today's world?!






19 comments:

  1. Very nice post Amrita Ji. Yes there are many thinking of people about good and bad people.

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  2. When you are not opposing whatever bad things are happening around you, you are a good girl, once you started opposing things, you became bad.

    Don't know when this mentality of our society will change...

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    Replies
    1. Yes Alok..very rightly said....hope things change....

      Delete
  3. Why cook only "basic meals"? I'd love so.me sophisticated meals. :)

    Just kidding. But I'm really happy to have a wife who cooks fantastic food.

    Stereotypes never end. The society loves to make dos and don'ts for everybody, not just girls. Girls happen to be at the receiving end. Currently the minority communities are replacing girls. Cheer up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D Thanks a lot Sir! Lucky you- eating yummy Kerala food all time! :)

      Well...the 'receiving end' pool just got bigger....and that's sad....:(

      Delete
  4. the habits of the people whom we love are always good one and the habits of the people whom we don't like are always bad.....

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    Replies
    1. Right...dat's what I mean by 'So many prejudices/biases also come in.' Thanks so much for comment Dohit! :)

      Delete
  5. Pl be the change you want to see in the society. Only grumbling will not work. You as a mother, a sister, a wife etc etc need to discipline the men who come in your life. If you are a mother already have you stopped pampering your male child unnecessarily? Have you ever seriously fought with your parents for equal rights in the family? Have you ever dared to confront your husband whenever he tries to dominate in family matters you do not approve? If your answers to these questions are NO then stop blaming the society. I tell you the truth whether you accept it or not. Things will not change by mere wishes. Action is necessary. But who will bell the cat? Have the courage not to delete this comment from your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment! 'Deleting' comments is last thing I do so U need not lose sleep over it!

      Well, if U r not a girl U would never understand. Patriarchal society will take centuries to change. Today more girls are raising their voices but they are still shouted down, raped, murdered, domestically harassed. And God knows that even after being a truly 'good girl', still they get shouted down or emotionally/physically/mentally harassed.

      Action is occurring- slowly, gradually. A few more generations- and we will be close to achieving a more egalitarian society....:)

      Delete
  6. See that is what the post is all about .If you speak out against a dominating husband ,or cruel mother-in-law , you are immediately labelled a bad girl -a bitch .We are not blaming anybody .We are just talking about what are the stereotypes of what is considered a good girl -a docile woman .
    If a woman asks for equal right to inheritance , she is looked down upon ...
    A man is called hen pecked if his wife dominates him , but a woman being dominated by her husband is seen as the norm .
    I fight for equality at home and in society and believe me it is not taken as a virtue , we are still told to let things be and not disturb peace and quiet of home ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Completely agree with you Preeti! Thanks for your honest & thought-provoking comment...

      Very true that women are asked to keep quiet all d time by males- be they father/brother/husband/friend..just whoever...that trend's gonna take decades or centuries to change....

      Delete
  7. Actually a good girl should be a good human being first, an honest person, a liberal independent thinker and a confident woman. But the society often try to suppress the voice of a girl or a woman and has defined an image for so called "good girl". Hope things will change gradually. Superb post! You have put all the points very nicely in your write up.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Footloose for your encouraging comment! :)

      Delete
  8. Wonderfully expressed, Amrita! Totally agree with all your points :)
    Wish there are similar "Good boys" rules too!
    Why should boys have all the fun? :)

    ReplyDelete

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