May 28, 2006

look at the stars

Lay down,
On the grassy dew,
Of this twinkling night,
Kissed by the breeze….

Attain bliss,
Thinking of those blissful times….

Touched deep within,
Haunted by space and time;

Experience…….the sublime……..

Say what you wanna say-
The winds will carry your voice….

And- Look at The Stars-
Radiating, as usual, their eternal glory….
So you will find, whatever you seek……..
What one does not have, or thinks the self unable of having, or thinks unworthy to have, becomes a topic of much thought, much speculation, some envy(‘not in the latter case.’ did you say that? U’ll come to know otherwise….) and specifically in the latter case, much sensationalisation. The latter case is on my radar now.

Deciding what is ‘unworthy’ to have, is a factorial task. The conditioning factor. The flexibility of approach to ideas. The acceptance-of-change factor. The (broad/narrow/in-between) mindedness. The adventurism factor. The prejudices factor. The extent of conventionalism. The slice of life attached to peers/elders. The experience factor. The scared-of-risk factor.

Unworthy. Like, for some, having a capuchinno at a coffee outlet. Or having Pizza Hut goodies. Or having a gf or bf. Or the unworthiest thing being having a capuchinno at a coffee outlet or Pizza Hut goodies, with the bf/gf. Or, liking the curves of Mallika Sherawat. Or maybe, spending some chatting or orkuttin time on the net. Or even just having any-time-access to the internet. [ Not a coincidence that, those not having, ‘think’ it ‘unworthy’. A mixture of a tinge of suspicion-envy(I with my present resources can not have that thing with/within me) –inquisitiveness(wonder how it would feel)-scopeforcontroversy-prejudice-peers-and-all-factors-mentioned-in-previous-stanza is probably the reason in all these cases. The self-explanation given is ‘I don’t want it and happier without it’. But actually, contempt is seething within and finds expression through sarcastic comments at those who have got it. It’s unfortunate, how disproportionate contempt creeps and clasps, in even people with otherwise good value systems. When bare human nature takes over, then bare human nature takes over.]. Or maybe, having cable channels. Or, the quality of being argumentative. Or probably, reading another Sidney Sheldon after reading another Sidney Sheldon. Or, the quality of being adventuristic. Or simply, keeping dumb teachers in good humour (of course, those who neglect it, don’t get good marks! But even then, some people rather choose to do without it). Or maybe, going to the local Orkut meet. Or perhaps, ‘falling in love’(in the present day world). Undesirable. Unworthy. They think all these things to be ‘unworthy’ is fine, but what is not fine, is to scoff at people who think any of these things to be worthy! Everybody is entitled to their own choice, after all!

So anyway, they are outright in condemning the change. They wage a war. Against how girls never should aspire to have beautiful figures. Against how ‘love’ in the present context, is nothing but a farce. A hoax. Against how girls should never wear sleeveless tops. Against how coffee-shops and 5-star hotels and big cars are only an abyss for money and have false status symbol sensibilities attached to them. And they discuss amongst like-minded crusaders, that how lucky and wise they themselves are. Against how other youths are rotting away. Against how the internet is nothing else except a net of waste. Maybe all of it is true to an extent( again a matter of personal opinion), but all of this does not deserve the extreme/undue hatred which the belligerent crusaders blindingly form inside their minds, by making their imaginations work overtime and wasting otherwise useful energy.
Many of the times, what they cannot get or have( at the moment) is snowballed into a prejudice against it. The snow of ‘unworthiness’ covers it. Conveniently. Efficiently. Convincingly. A pride arises- the pride of rejecting the ‘unworthy’.

So, whom are they fighting against? Mostly, only themselves. Without( or maybe, inspite of) realizing that the driving factor of their hatred is in barest terms, The haves and have-nots divide.

Whom are these crusaders trying to hurt by subtle, yet sarcastic remarks? Now you know. Will the frustrated crusaders who have self-launched their self-made crusade, never realize the simple truth of the world? Those who are (sanely/insanely/in-between) rich and (separately) those who have the inclination and (separately) those who have the requisite qualities( for instance, can butter the teacher/boss, or can argue, or can flirt) and of course exercising their choice in a democratic-globalising-shining economy, will go ahead and do their thing.

Have it. Will do it.

Welling up with prejudices and not-accepting-the-void-felt-at-times, is gravely injurious to health. To physical & emotional well-being.

Let us exactly accept what we have and do not have. Of course, the envy is natural in human nature, and it gives way to sadism. But let us also remember that it is very much within our choice and ability to achieve what we want to, and this same envy(instead of turning into sadism) can drive us towards that, and we have a choice to not hurt others by cynicism regarding what other people want to enjoy and yet we detest.

Let us just be human beings. And choose to exercise the fair choice.
Sorrow does not begin,
Where Happiness ends.
Poverty does not begin,
Where Riches end…

Mystery does not begin,
Where Frankness ends.
Enmity does not begin,
Where Friendship ends…

Brutality does not begin,
Where Kindness ends.
Strangership does not begin,
Where Familiarity ends…

Enlightenment does not begin,
Where Ignorance ends.
Helplessness does not begin,
Where Power ends…

Fear does not begin,
Where Fortitude ends.
Greed does not begin,
Where Generosity ends…

Independence does not begin,
Where Dependence ends.
Dullness does not begin,
Where Creativity ends…

Pride does not begin,
Where Humility ends.
Rejection does not begin,
Where Acceptance ends…

Nervousness does not begin,
Where Confidence ends.
Freedom does not begin,
Where Confinement ends…

Trust does not begin,
Where Mistrust ends.
Disattachment does not begin,
Where Attachment ends…

Hatred does not begin,
Where love ends.
Death does not begin,
Where life ends…

There’s much more to all this,
Shrouded, experienced and concealed…
In the intermediate…

Not extreme emotion,
But what happens in between,
Makes all the difference,
In the lives we lead………………

May 17, 2006

'Do Not' Times

There is no way to ascertain that the other is lying. Or saying the truth. Sometimes it is plain trust. Or plain belief. Or plain mistrust. Or complex disbelief. A dash of partiality maybe. A tinge of self-gain maybe. An attachment of importance to intuition maybe. Driven by goodness. Or maybe hatred. Or maybe simply bcoz we want to, ‘coz we want to.

Whatever it is, a complicated plethora of emotions takes over. And offers us a choice. Take it, or leave it. And we live with what we take. Sometimes we do try not to live, with what we leave. And we succeed. Sometimes we do not.

It is these ‘do not’ times, which bring so many shades to life. ( many out of) All colours on a palette. (many out of) All dishes on a platter.

Oh what would human beings have learnt without ‘do not’ times….?

What would human beings have done without(and even apart from) taking it, or leaving it……..?

May 14, 2006

that guy

Open your veil,
Remove your bangles;
Let your hair down,
Stop living in shambles…………

Be a man-
Face the world.
Stop being that guy.
O faceless soul……………

The silhouette of anonymity,
Will not hide you….
Your vulnerable identity,
Lies between me and you……………..

May 13, 2006

Necklace of Life

It was a time, when words unsaid, were said; when feelings unknown, were known; when thoughts unrealistic, were realistic. It was a time when dreams dreamt, were not dreams dreamt. They were precious diamonds, which very delicately and extremely carefully, were strewn on to the necklace of life. Giving the necklace, a life of its own. His life.

And that’s how he lived. Strewing the diamonds.Dreaming the dreams. Not dreaming to strew the necklace. Not strewing the necklace to dream the dreams. It was a time when there were no means and no ends; when there were no beginnings and no full-stops;when there were no doubts and no reasons. He just knew, that what he was doing, was the only thing he was doing. Wanted to do. Was born to do.

And so, his necklace went on growing. The diamonds adeptly bending and re-bending the light as per their own whims. Gleaming. Shining, in the power of dreamt dreams. These dreams, bending time, to keep themselves ever fresh and energized.

So there he was- a diamond necklace. Living. Feeling.Breathing.

And there she was- the resplendent source of all those diamonds. He dreamt to be adorned around her long, slender, beautiful neck- forever. He woke up.

And the dream became a diamond. It was delicately, carefully, strewn on to the necklace of life.

And then he slept again.

**Linking this to letter 'N' of ABC Wednesday (Necklace).

May 10, 2006

When the most diplomatic of people, shed their diplomacy even for a moment, then the bare truth is out. Deeply concealed hitherto, in the deep, dark chambers of their mind, the one moment of unguardedness, of instinct, brings it all out. The thought which associated entities had not even suspected to exist within that mind, and which hitherto had been attached zero probability of ever even occurring to that person, comes out. (But hey! That’s what is true diplomacy!) Naked. Blatant. And when the diplomat in question, is not even aware about the lapsus-linguae or the never-intentional breach, then it becomes all the more bizarre. All the more exciting. And when the diplomat in question, does not even know about his/her seasoned diplomat status, then all the more. Bizarre. Exciting. And when the diplomat in answer, does not know it to be a ‘diplomacy’ breach, because he/she is not a ‘diplomat’, then what a shame to the concept of diplomacy.

Catching the virtuoso diplomat off-guard, is a once-in-the-blue-moon phenomenon, after all. Consider this- their BLUE blood, which would generally meander through their (in-normal-people-red arteries-and-blue veins-but-in-diplomats-) all blue-arteries-and-veins, rushed out violently(for that split-second), like the Narmada waters waiting to splash away people’s homes just on an order by the government. Except that here, the government was raw instinct. It was an animal that leapt up and disappeared. Out of ecstasy. Spontaneous complacency. Nevertheless, it struck with its presence. And lingered. Long after the spoonerism. So Long, as to make the no-diplomats, feel their RED blood gurgling through their red arteries-and-blue veins. When there were (unsolicited) thoughts about all-blue arteries-and-blue veins. Re-and-re-and-yet-again-re staining reality. Twisting it forever. Spilling on to virtuality. Long after the blue moon.

Here, I would like to believe, that the sinister form of diplomacy is hypo-criticism. For those who believe both are separate, for their good also it must be stated- the combination of both is most sinister. Hypocrisy- more sinister. Diplomacy- sinister.
Kalyug. Sinisterness runs the world.(As though it is some kind of fuel. Renewable too. Sin. Sinister. Sinisterness…….) Goodness is trying to catch up. But the government holds it back- like tiny Buddhia Singh is held back. Here again, ‘the government’ is nothing but sinisterness. How strange- did you say? Not at all. It is this- sinisterness giving a bright ‘GO’ signal to sinisterness. I wonder if the ‘GO’ must be written in blue. And the ‘STOP’-in red.

May 2, 2006

Two agencies
Central to man.
Mind overrides the heart-
And heart overrides the mind-
But then
Is it not
One and the same thing?
The only difference being,
Which one happens first…………
“Sila, U r too simple. U don't understand."

“Impossible, Nickson. Don't tell me all this. And I have never believed, & will never believe in all such rubbish."

“U have to understand that U, yourself, underestimate yourself. You don't know the effect U have on them."

“Stop talking rubbish. U mean this college has such a dearth of beautiful females, and that these guys can crash their expectations to fall for just a less-than-ordinary looking woman? Where are your senses?"

“Listen Sila. It's not only and only about physical beauty."

Shit. How will I ever make her understand how beautiful she is.
“OK fine. I understand- there are people in this college, not personalities. But then, there are several more attractive personalities. Attractive and beautiful in every way. I barely ever attract attention to myself……believe me, I’m proud of that.”

All my loose-fitting dresses have done exactly that.
“That’s what you think”. U foolish woman. “I know what they think whenever U are talking to them.”

“Now Nickson, don’t tell me I’m not supposed to talk to them.”

“Of course U are supposed to talk to them. Sit with them. Laugh with them. Not knowing what’s in their mind.”

“Oh, shut up Nickson. I very carefully choose the people I associate with. & none of them are like that. & DON’T U DARE question women’s intuition, especially mine, in these matters.”

“OK chill. But U must know whom to avoid, and presently…………”

“Nickson, my friend, I know U are terribly concerned about me. Believe me. I appreciate it. But upto a point. Not after that. The right of decisions lies with me…..I know U know that.”

“Yes Sila, yes. But Sila, please know that you are nonchalant in these matters because U don’t know, & are not willing to realize that, U r no ordinary-looking woman.”

U r stunning coz U don’t know U are.
“I thank U for creating this pleasurable turmoil within me, but I exactly know how ugly I am. And I don’t even care whether I’m beautiful or not. I just want to do my work properly and I care for nothing other than that. Thank U so much but U are only wasting your time and energy.”

“Oh yeah. Of course. The pleasure was mine.”

Why do U like thriving on the thin border between simplicity and foolishness, acceptance and non-acceptance, maturity and immaturity, beauty and divinity?
“And Sila, if U think I’ve been put off, then the answer is no. I’ll keep telling U that U underestimate yourself for your own harm. Nothing else.”

“Nickson, thanks so much……..but….in the future, whenever U think about this matter, it’d be better if U’d care for your own time and energy. Seriously.”

But I care only for U. “OK, bye.”

As she stood at the gate and bade him goodbye, Nickson could not help but think-“Angel.”
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