December 25, 2006


While overwhelming when it comes,
Momentary only it is........
Wraps the senses with exceeding pleasure,
Desire....that is.

Just giving in,
Without a fight;
No fun without
The battle of mental might.

That sweet victory of resistance,
After a viciously fought battle,
Is what truly is
The purity and charm,
Of virginity....

Losing it just like that,
To the typhoon of lust,
Is a loss most sour,
Is utter disgrace......

Higher than this high
Is the highest high
Of victory
After resistance.....

Of patience,
Till you get,
Your perfect someone....
Your soulmate.......

December 24, 2006

The warmth & the light

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The wintry night warmed my hands,
And left me alone to muse.
I loved the sheer tenderness,
That this chilly night had bestowed.

Perhaps it was the warmth within me,
Deep in my soul;
Spreading through my body,
And making me feel like gold.

Fresh as a bloomed flower,
I muse about life;
What with the night around me,
And the celestial light.

I am lit up;
The light in a thousand dark miles.

I am the oasis in the fiery desert.
And the rain in the lands so dry.

I am the Sun- rising, setting and rising,
And the Glory, for whom Humanity has been waiting.

I have come, I am here.
Let there be no vice, no fear.

Hold my hand, we shall go far,
Don't look below- look up at the stars...........

December 15, 2006

Fill your Life with Love

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The constancy of any emotion with time, be it pain, joy, respect, ecstasy, attraction or fear, is an untruth. If a person says that the feeling towards sumthing or somebody is always the same, then surely that's a lie. Coz, the only truth is- change.

U want to hate somebody. Then, the mind will simply open the key to that chamber, which contains all the hurting memories of that person. And your body will cringe in hatred. Full of negative energy. And overwhelming desires to retaliate. To hurt back.

But, U want to love somebody. Then your mind makes U relive those blissful moments spent with that person; the pituitary gland takes command and releases all the 'feel-good' hormones through your blood.
And there U are- ecstatic, beaming and radiant....!

That's why they say- fill your life with love.
Forget and forgive prople who have behaved badly/ hurt U, coz in the process of hating them, U only fill your present with hatred and negative energy.

But things are only easier said than done.
Practising them, day-in-and-day-out is a task perhaps more Herculean than climbing Mount Everest, for us- the 'ordinary' human beings.

In reality, God never made human beings 'ordinary'. That He gave us the power of Will, the responsibility of this beautiful planet Earth and also to choose what we want to be- makes us actually 'extraordinary'.

But it depends on us whether we want to exercise the tremendous power of the 'extraordinariness' or not. Now it's our choice- to be or not to be, and if to be, then what way to be.
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I haven't given love. So how will I receive it?
I haven't been a friend. So how will one befriend me?
I haven't been good. So how will others be good to me?
Let me be the source first.
Becoming a destination depends on,
How good a source I have been.

Have I been like the Sun,
And helped life fluorish?

Have I been like the soil,
And nourished the plants above me?

Have I been like the air,
And supplied life-giving oxygen to all?

Have I been like the water,
And flowed through everybody, and quenched their thirst?

No, I have not constantly been so.

But the few moments I have been so,
I have been the happiest human being.......:)

December 10, 2006

Creatively yours

It’s been long,
And I’ve been away.
Haven’t missed my blog,
Haven’t missed your say.

But now I realize,
I’ve missed my creative self.

I’ve missed the left side of my brain,
Amidst all the rationalism,
Of some hyped examinations……..:)

So I am back.
Creatively yours……
Amrita Sabat.

August 22, 2006


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Tears are
My only freedom
My only solace

My beauty
My depth

My love
My happiness

My warmth
My salinity

My strength
My weakness

My humility
My pride.

That's My Tears.....
For Me......

I love them.

They blur me.....
And then bring
The most clear vision......

And the most beautiful smile......:)

July 11, 2006

Trigger & Time

A trigger,
To my thought process.
And my mind........
Breezes through time.........

With so much ease,
My mind,
Travels an esoteric past...
And flies through real fast........

Warping the fabric of time,
Caring not for ultimate goals,
This powerful mind,
Is out to play a game-so-fine............

It makes me a happy visitor,
To the already built mansions,
Of my own imagination............

It makes me a guest,
And makes me feel elated,
By simply asking me,
To forget all worries and just rest...........!

And so, being supremely happy,
I live in these mansions........
And after God's long day,
The host takes me to the Present........

I go back feeling euphoric,
Having enjoyed to the hilt..........

But alas! U all know how........
Man's greed is never fulfilled.............:)

July 9, 2006

It was Her

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It was night,
Yet there was light…….
And there was just one woman,
On the beach……..

Long hair,
And her beautiful back,
Was all that I got,
To see.

She was waiting on the sand,
So the waves would come,
So she would be taken,
To the middle of the sea……..

And while she,
Would be taken………
The sea behind her,
Would cease to be……….

And the barren place,
Would again become sea,
As the water carried her back,
To the beach……….

It was most magical,
As my eyes followed her…..
I could feel…
Her luminosity……….

All I could see,
Was just her bare back…….
My efforts to see who she was,
Of no avail………..

I called out to her,
And she disappeared.

But I’m sure she was…..
The most beautiful woman on earth…………


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Time; caught at the crossroads…….
Me; staring out of the window……..
My books; waiting to be practised from…….
My mind; harping on latest happenings…….
My heart; waiting for evening to descend…….
My hand; reaching out for a pen………
My soul; dictating these very words……….

Myself……wondering at the mystery of it all………

July 5, 2006

She looks like a dream..........

She looks like a dream,
Whose time has come,
To get fulfilled.

She looks at the sky,
And touches the dusty beams.

She looks at the trees,
And devours the scenic green.

She looks at the birds,
And breaks into melody.

She hears the thunder,
And claps to its beat.

She feels her freedom,
And celebrates HER life- makes merry.

Before she lets go the rein,
Reminisces everything-
All the dreams,
All the happiness,
All the pain…..

Then, she looks at the rain,
And gets drenched.

In her own tears………

June 29, 2006


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Life is what we make it,
And how we take it......

Life is a star......
that's why there is an aura.....
visible to only those..
who can see it........

Life is a flower,
With an ethereal fragrance...
No wonder it spreads......
beyond land's end....

Life is a bird,
Wanting to fly high.
Free will its wings.......
And Limit is the Sky.

Life is a rock,
Living upto challenges.......
Fighting till the war lasts.......

Life is to live...
each moment..
Of pain..

And Infinite Joy.

Life is to revel.....
To feel the rejuvenation.....
To recreate oneself..
with each passing moment.

Life is to learn...
that Life is the greatest truth.....
that Life is the greatest Learner.....
That Life is the greatest Teacher....

Life is our Guardian Angel......
when it converges with time.
Together these have the ultimate power......
And make each passing moment divine.....

June 7, 2006

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One rainy day,
And another one;
One impatient feeling,
And another one;
One realization,
And another one;
One fateful moment,
And another one……..

Several rainy days,
Several impatient feelings,
Several realizations,
Several fateful moments…..

That’s life………

June 4, 2006

It was like being made into a concave mirror from a convex one, by being silvered on the opposite side. Heck. Such things happened only if I allowed it. God only knows how much longer I am gonna allow it. 21 years is a long time, you know. People become beauty queens, business barons, ethical hackers, writers, music artistes, developers, inventors and world famous award-winners by this time. People cease grappling with insecurities, indecisiveness, irresponsibilities-inspite-of-sense-of-responsibility, attachment, emotions-pulling-hither-and-thither, and influences, by this time. People become the quintessential- ‘people’, by this time. And even before that.

But not me.
Being honest and true to the core, does not help. It chugs along a train of difficulties. Putting others’ ideas first and giving them most importance, by habit, does not help. Caring for others more than they can sense coming from our exterior or can comprehend, does not help. Thinking while others don’t realize how much you have thought, does not help. Expressing less, and feeling more, does not help. This is the world of ‘Express Yourself’, after all. And expressing through tears, is worse still. They think tears are weak. Or worse still, tears are to be used in melo-drama. Heartfeltness- confused with intentions. Doom.

Anyway, there is a poem called ‘Anyway’. It carries a beautiful message. Tough to practice it in an insensitive world, but all the same, it is a landmark-specially for sensitive people.
Actually, the more I try taking control and not be a sensitive idiot, the more I become unable to do so.
It’s like- the more dirt U scrape from your back, the more dirt U are gonna get.
The more dandruff U shake out from your head, there will still be more to come out.
The more bosses hike people’s salaries, the more they have to hike it.
The more U blog and orkut, the more U do it.
The more U remove wax from your ears, there’s still more inside.

And so, things left as they are, would maybe be better.

But no. Things have to be cleaned. Got done. Continued. Coz they are vital.

This poem(Mother Teresa’s ‘Anyway’) infuses hope that sensitive idiots may live without losing heart, and without turning into insensitive idiots.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

this is not poetry.

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U have never loved me.
U have only loved the image U have had, of me.
Since the time U were young, U had dreamed that Ur dream should have certain qualities.
U found them in me and stopped your quest.
Ur image of perfection was complete.
It was so complete, that U looked for no bad qualities, and never found them.
Or they stared at Ur face, and U let go.
What U perceived, reigned supreme.
That pure, ethereal image took over U.
And U were helpless.
Like any worldly person would think in such a situation, U also thought.
And believed, to think.
And thought, to believe.
That U are in love.
With me.
That Ur heart is flowing out with praise, admiration and respect.
For me.
But no.
It was an image of mine Ur mind had taken to.
Not me.
It was a perception of mine U were in love with.
Not me.
Once that changed, all else changed.

Angels became demons.
Demons became angels.

Angels and demons.

Friends became strangers.
Strangers became friends.

Friends and strangers.

U said that I had changed.
But it was only Ur perception of me that had changed.

U have never ever loved me.
U have only loved the image u have had, of me…………………….

May 28, 2006

look at the stars

Lay down,
On the grassy dew,
Of this twinkling night,
Kissed by the breeze….

Attain bliss,
Thinking of those blissful times….

Touched deep within,
Haunted by space and time;

Experience…….the sublime……..

Say what you wanna say-
The winds will carry your voice….

And- Look at The Stars-
Radiating, as usual, their eternal glory….
So you will find, whatever you seek……..
What one does not have, or thinks the self unable of having, or thinks unworthy to have, becomes a topic of much thought, much speculation, some envy(‘not in the latter case.’ did you say that? U’ll come to know otherwise….) and specifically in the latter case, much sensationalisation. The latter case is on my radar now.

Deciding what is ‘unworthy’ to have, is a factorial task. The conditioning factor. The flexibility of approach to ideas. The acceptance-of-change factor. The (broad/narrow/in-between) mindedness. The adventurism factor. The prejudices factor. The extent of conventionalism. The slice of life attached to peers/elders. The experience factor. The scared-of-risk factor.

Unworthy. Like, for some, having a capuchinno at a coffee outlet. Or having Pizza Hut goodies. Or having a gf or bf. Or the unworthiest thing being having a capuchinno at a coffee outlet or Pizza Hut goodies, with the bf/gf. Or, liking the curves of Mallika Sherawat. Or maybe, spending some chatting or orkuttin time on the net. Or even just having any-time-access to the internet. [ Not a coincidence that, those not having, ‘think’ it ‘unworthy’. A mixture of a tinge of suspicion-envy(I with my present resources can not have that thing with/within me) –inquisitiveness(wonder how it would feel)-scopeforcontroversy-prejudice-peers-and-all-factors-mentioned-in-previous-stanza is probably the reason in all these cases. The self-explanation given is ‘I don’t want it and happier without it’. But actually, contempt is seething within and finds expression through sarcastic comments at those who have got it. It’s unfortunate, how disproportionate contempt creeps and clasps, in even people with otherwise good value systems. When bare human nature takes over, then bare human nature takes over.]. Or maybe, having cable channels. Or, the quality of being argumentative. Or probably, reading another Sidney Sheldon after reading another Sidney Sheldon. Or, the quality of being adventuristic. Or simply, keeping dumb teachers in good humour (of course, those who neglect it, don’t get good marks! But even then, some people rather choose to do without it). Or maybe, going to the local Orkut meet. Or perhaps, ‘falling in love’(in the present day world). Undesirable. Unworthy. They think all these things to be ‘unworthy’ is fine, but what is not fine, is to scoff at people who think any of these things to be worthy! Everybody is entitled to their own choice, after all!

So anyway, they are outright in condemning the change. They wage a war. Against how girls never should aspire to have beautiful figures. Against how ‘love’ in the present context, is nothing but a farce. A hoax. Against how girls should never wear sleeveless tops. Against how coffee-shops and 5-star hotels and big cars are only an abyss for money and have false status symbol sensibilities attached to them. And they discuss amongst like-minded crusaders, that how lucky and wise they themselves are. Against how other youths are rotting away. Against how the internet is nothing else except a net of waste. Maybe all of it is true to an extent( again a matter of personal opinion), but all of this does not deserve the extreme/undue hatred which the belligerent crusaders blindingly form inside their minds, by making their imaginations work overtime and wasting otherwise useful energy.
Many of the times, what they cannot get or have( at the moment) is snowballed into a prejudice against it. The snow of ‘unworthiness’ covers it. Conveniently. Efficiently. Convincingly. A pride arises- the pride of rejecting the ‘unworthy’.

So, whom are they fighting against? Mostly, only themselves. Without( or maybe, inspite of) realizing that the driving factor of their hatred is in barest terms, The haves and have-nots divide.

Whom are these crusaders trying to hurt by subtle, yet sarcastic remarks? Now you know. Will the frustrated crusaders who have self-launched their self-made crusade, never realize the simple truth of the world? Those who are (sanely/insanely/in-between) rich and (separately) those who have the inclination and (separately) those who have the requisite qualities( for instance, can butter the teacher/boss, or can argue, or can flirt) and of course exercising their choice in a democratic-globalising-shining economy, will go ahead and do their thing.

Have it. Will do it.

Welling up with prejudices and not-accepting-the-void-felt-at-times, is gravely injurious to health. To physical & emotional well-being.

Let us exactly accept what we have and do not have. Of course, the envy is natural in human nature, and it gives way to sadism. But let us also remember that it is very much within our choice and ability to achieve what we want to, and this same envy(instead of turning into sadism) can drive us towards that, and we have a choice to not hurt others by cynicism regarding what other people want to enjoy and yet we detest.

Let us just be human beings. And choose to exercise the fair choice.
Sorrow does not begin,
Where Happiness ends.
Poverty does not begin,
Where Riches end…

Mystery does not begin,
Where Frankness ends.
Enmity does not begin,
Where Friendship ends…

Brutality does not begin,
Where Kindness ends.
Strangership does not begin,
Where Familiarity ends…

Enlightenment does not begin,
Where Ignorance ends.
Helplessness does not begin,
Where Power ends…

Fear does not begin,
Where Fortitude ends.
Greed does not begin,
Where Generosity ends…

Independence does not begin,
Where Dependence ends.
Dullness does not begin,
Where Creativity ends…

Pride does not begin,
Where Humility ends.
Rejection does not begin,
Where Acceptance ends…

Nervousness does not begin,
Where Confidence ends.
Freedom does not begin,
Where Confinement ends…

Trust does not begin,
Where Mistrust ends.
Disattachment does not begin,
Where Attachment ends…

Hatred does not begin,
Where love ends.
Death does not begin,
Where life ends…

There’s much more to all this,
Shrouded, experienced and concealed…
In the intermediate…

Not extreme emotion,
But what happens in between,
Makes all the difference,
In the lives we lead………………

May 17, 2006

'Do Not' Times

There is no way to ascertain that the other is lying. Or saying the truth. Sometimes it is plain trust. Or plain belief. Or plain mistrust. Or complex disbelief. A dash of partiality maybe. A tinge of self-gain maybe. An attachment of importance to intuition maybe. Driven by goodness. Or maybe hatred. Or maybe simply bcoz we want to, ‘coz we want to.

Whatever it is, a complicated plethora of emotions takes over. And offers us a choice. Take it, or leave it. And we live with what we take. Sometimes we do try not to live, with what we leave. And we succeed. Sometimes we do not.

It is these ‘do not’ times, which bring so many shades to life. ( many out of) All colours on a palette. (many out of) All dishes on a platter.

Oh what would human beings have learnt without ‘do not’ times….?

What would human beings have done without(and even apart from) taking it, or leaving it……..?

May 14, 2006

that guy

Open your veil,
Remove your bangles;
Let your hair down,
Stop living in shambles…………

Be a man-
Face the world.
Stop being that guy.
O faceless soul……………

The silhouette of anonymity,
Will not hide you….
Your vulnerable identity,
Lies between me and you……………..

May 13, 2006

Necklace of Life

It was a time, when words unsaid, were said; when feelings unknown, were known; when thoughts unrealistic, were realistic. It was a time when dreams dreamt, were not dreams dreamt. They were precious diamonds, which very delicately and extremely carefully, were strewn on to the necklace of life. Giving the necklace, a life of its own. His life.

And that’s how he lived. Strewing the diamonds.Dreaming the dreams. Not dreaming to strew the necklace. Not strewing the necklace to dream the dreams. It was a time when there were no means and no ends; when there were no beginnings and no full-stops;when there were no doubts and no reasons. He just knew, that what he was doing, was the only thing he was doing. Wanted to do. Was born to do.

And so, his necklace went on growing. The diamonds adeptly bending and re-bending the light as per their own whims. Gleaming. Shining, in the power of dreamt dreams. These dreams, bending time, to keep themselves ever fresh and energized.

So there he was- a diamond necklace. Living. Feeling.Breathing.

And there she was- the resplendent source of all those diamonds. He dreamt to be adorned around her long, slender, beautiful neck- forever. He woke up.

And the dream became a diamond. It was delicately, carefully, strewn on to the necklace of life.

And then he slept again.

**Linking this to letter 'N' of ABC Wednesday (Necklace).

May 10, 2006

When the most diplomatic of people, shed their diplomacy even for a moment, then the bare truth is out. Deeply concealed hitherto, in the deep, dark chambers of their mind, the one moment of unguardedness, of instinct, brings it all out. The thought which associated entities had not even suspected to exist within that mind, and which hitherto had been attached zero probability of ever even occurring to that person, comes out. (But hey! That’s what is true diplomacy!) Naked. Blatant. And when the diplomat in question, is not even aware about the lapsus-linguae or the never-intentional breach, then it becomes all the more bizarre. All the more exciting. And when the diplomat in question, does not even know about his/her seasoned diplomat status, then all the more. Bizarre. Exciting. And when the diplomat in answer, does not know it to be a ‘diplomacy’ breach, because he/she is not a ‘diplomat’, then what a shame to the concept of diplomacy.

Catching the virtuoso diplomat off-guard, is a once-in-the-blue-moon phenomenon, after all. Consider this- their BLUE blood, which would generally meander through their (in-normal-people-red arteries-and-blue veins-but-in-diplomats-) all blue-arteries-and-veins, rushed out violently(for that split-second), like the Narmada waters waiting to splash away people’s homes just on an order by the government. Except that here, the government was raw instinct. It was an animal that leapt up and disappeared. Out of ecstasy. Spontaneous complacency. Nevertheless, it struck with its presence. And lingered. Long after the spoonerism. So Long, as to make the no-diplomats, feel their RED blood gurgling through their red arteries-and-blue veins. When there were (unsolicited) thoughts about all-blue arteries-and-blue veins. Re-and-re-and-yet-again-re staining reality. Twisting it forever. Spilling on to virtuality. Long after the blue moon.

Here, I would like to believe, that the sinister form of diplomacy is hypo-criticism. For those who believe both are separate, for their good also it must be stated- the combination of both is most sinister. Hypocrisy- more sinister. Diplomacy- sinister.
Kalyug. Sinisterness runs the world.(As though it is some kind of fuel. Renewable too. Sin. Sinister. Sinisterness…….) Goodness is trying to catch up. But the government holds it back- like tiny Buddhia Singh is held back. Here again, ‘the government’ is nothing but sinisterness. How strange- did you say? Not at all. It is this- sinisterness giving a bright ‘GO’ signal to sinisterness. I wonder if the ‘GO’ must be written in blue. And the ‘STOP’-in red.

May 2, 2006

Two agencies
Central to man.
Mind overrides the heart-
And heart overrides the mind-
But then
Is it not
One and the same thing?
The only difference being,
Which one happens first…………
“Sila, U r too simple. U don't understand."

“Impossible, Nickson. Don't tell me all this. And I have never believed, & will never believe in all such rubbish."

“U have to understand that U, yourself, underestimate yourself. You don't know the effect U have on them."

“Stop talking rubbish. U mean this college has such a dearth of beautiful females, and that these guys can crash their expectations to fall for just a less-than-ordinary looking woman? Where are your senses?"

“Listen Sila. It's not only and only about physical beauty."

Shit. How will I ever make her understand how beautiful she is.
“OK fine. I understand- there are people in this college, not personalities. But then, there are several more attractive personalities. Attractive and beautiful in every way. I barely ever attract attention to myself……believe me, I’m proud of that.”

All my loose-fitting dresses have done exactly that.
“That’s what you think”. U foolish woman. “I know what they think whenever U are talking to them.”

“Now Nickson, don’t tell me I’m not supposed to talk to them.”

“Of course U are supposed to talk to them. Sit with them. Laugh with them. Not knowing what’s in their mind.”

“Oh, shut up Nickson. I very carefully choose the people I associate with. & none of them are like that. & DON’T U DARE question women’s intuition, especially mine, in these matters.”

“OK chill. But U must know whom to avoid, and presently…………”

“Nickson, my friend, I know U are terribly concerned about me. Believe me. I appreciate it. But upto a point. Not after that. The right of decisions lies with me…..I know U know that.”

“Yes Sila, yes. But Sila, please know that you are nonchalant in these matters because U don’t know, & are not willing to realize that, U r no ordinary-looking woman.”

U r stunning coz U don’t know U are.
“I thank U for creating this pleasurable turmoil within me, but I exactly know how ugly I am. And I don’t even care whether I’m beautiful or not. I just want to do my work properly and I care for nothing other than that. Thank U so much but U are only wasting your time and energy.”

“Oh yeah. Of course. The pleasure was mine.”

Why do U like thriving on the thin border between simplicity and foolishness, acceptance and non-acceptance, maturity and immaturity, beauty and divinity?
“And Sila, if U think I’ve been put off, then the answer is no. I’ll keep telling U that U underestimate yourself for your own harm. Nothing else.”

“Nickson, thanks so much……..but….in the future, whenever U think about this matter, it’d be better if U’d care for your own time and energy. Seriously.”

But I care only for U. “OK, bye.”

As she stood at the gate and bade him goodbye, Nickson could not help but think-“Angel.”

April 26, 2006


Sometimes I wonder......
Who am 'I'.......?
Just matter and body?
That reflection............
gazing back at me?
Or a source of resplendently glowing ,
and ever dynamic,
feelings, emotions,
mind, thoughts and limitless creativity ?

That's more like me.......

The body is but an illusion-
Tomorrow it won't be there.

The mind is eternal-
In its immortal splendour.......
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